


There Is Room

by thesudokukid



Series: Kintsugi [1]
Category: Zombies Run!
Genre: Enbeast's Runner Five - Freeform, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Relationship, Secret Santa, Spoilers for Season 3, Spoilers up to S3M49: Sowing Season
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:34:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21926038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesudokukid/pseuds/thesudokukid
Summary: Runner Five thinks there isn't any room for them in Abel anymore after the Incident. They're wrong and Sam's told them so. But they don't seem like they're willing to accept it. Which is troubling to say the least.That's especially the case with Christmas around the corner. There has to be a way to help them see the light. There just has to be. To help them see that there IS room for a person like them. That there always has been and always will be. But how?Clip that inspired the title/fic here
Relationships: Runner Five/Sam Yao
Series: Kintsugi [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1655731
Comments: 7
Kudos: 11





	1. There Isn't Room

**Author's Note:**

  * For [enbeast](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=enbeast), [Shad0wFlight34](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shad0wFlight34/gifts).



“That’s an...interesting green,” Sam says, remarking on the garish green Five’s mohawk is now.

The box of dye falls out of their hand as soon as he says it. He ducks down to pick it up for Five so they won’t have to. It _is_ kind of his fault they dropped it after all.

When he’s standing up straight again there’s a guilty look on their face, like even that was too much to ask of him at this point. Like they had no right to expect him to do it. He only gets more sure of Five’s feelings when they start signing.

'That’s kind of the point.'

“Oh,” Sam says. _That’s what this is about_. He steps towards Five with a smile on his face. Not a big one, not like before. Five’s in a delicate place right now, after all. Their needs come first.

“This is going to sound really, really selfish for a second but can I just say that I’m actually sort of glad you picked green? ‘Cause, well you’re not gonna believe me because I’m saying this _now_ of all times, but green’s actually my favorite color.”

‘It is?’

“Yep,” Sam says. “It is. Especially now that your hair that color. Sort of that color. Especially now that _some_ of your hair is that color. That’s what I meant. I’m a person that knows what I mean to say sometimes, I swear.”

Five nods with a very small smile on their face and it’s hard, more impossible actually, not to start punching the air and shouting in celebration.

Instead he starts bringing his hand up to his mouth. Five raises an eyebrow at him and he instantly looks down to see if there’s something wrong with what he’s wearing. There isn’t, of course, but he still checks. Five is snickering when he looks up at them.

They point to their hand, more specifically they point to a fingernail, and Sam get flooded with a sort of warm, peaceful feeling he’d gladly live in for the rest of his life. Well maybe not _the rest of his life_ but at least for the next week. Sam clears his throat, shakes himself out of it, and asks his best friend a very important question.

“I wanted to go and ask Janine if we could have a Christmas Party, you know for morale and things? D’you want to join me?”

‘You’re asking me?'

“Did you not want me to? I just thought it might help, you know ‘cause you’re Head of Runners and all. And like, I know Janine didn’t say it but she was worried about you. And you-you’ve been kind of sad recently. And Christmas is a time for people to be together and things and I just-”

Sam stops upon realizing that his throat is getting tight and he doesn’t know why. And then he figures it out. He’s crying.

“I just thought it might be nice to pretend things were normal for a day, you know? Well, as normal as anything _can_ be these days but that’s getting into the sad stuff. And I think we’ve had _enough_ of that for the year, don’t you?”

Five helps Sam wipe the tears off his face and then asks _him_ a question, ‘When do you want to go?’

“You’re sure you want to do this,” Sam asks. “Absolutely sure? Because it’s all right if you don’t want to. I won’t ask you to do this. Not for me, not for anyone. And anyway, things like this are more fun if everybody that’s participating is happy and excited about it or at least looking forward to it. I won’t have much fun putting all the plans for it together if I think you’re just coming with me out of some weird emotional obligation or something.”

'Sam, I want to. When. Do. You. Want. To. Go?'

“I think now might be best. You know, before anyone loses their nerve.”

Five nods and the two of them go off to Janine’s together.

\---

Sam stands up and the chair screeches against the floorboards.

“That isn’t fair,” he says. “Five didn’t do it. Not really. Why are you holding them responsible for something that happened when they had their mind hijacked? Why is anyone else for that matter? What happened wasn’t even their choice!”

The shouting makes Runner Five flinch. Sam immediately begins speaking to them in low, hushed tones and making every effort to comfort them. A few minutes later they both look relatively at peace again. They’ll figure out their relationship one day, Janine’s confident of that.

After a few deep, calming breaths Janine begins speaking. 

“Mister Yao, Runner Five. I understand that what happened was a horrible, terrible accident that should never have happened. But I’d also like you to understand that I never said the Runners wouldn’t be allowed to have a Christmas Party.”

Five is quick to sign ‘thank you’ before Sam can even register what’s being offered.

“So Five can go to a Christmas Party then?”

“Runner Five is Head of Runners, Mister Yao. I’ll need them in attendance in case things get out of control.”

Sam nods, sighs in relief, and gets up. He gives Five a hand up shortly after. They stare at it warily for a moment before finally allowing themselves to take it. When Five is finally standing they let go first and there’s a moment where Sam’s face morphs into sadness before he can cover it with a smile a few seconds later.

“When do we get to have the Christmas party then,” Sam asks. “Because if Five is only going to be at that one-”

“I never said they’d only be allowed at that one,” Janine says. “In fact I expect hourly check-ins at the party for Abel Township in general. It’s best if they’re accompanied by someone else of course, in case the worst should occur. With that being the case I see no reason why both parties shouldn’t happen at the same time. In fact, I encourage you to have that be the case.”

“Right,” Sam says. “Okay, thanks. Come on Five we’ve got planning to do.”

Five nods and follows him to the door. They open the door, duck to avoid hitting their doorway due to their unusual height, and step into the hallway.

Sam looks back at Janine with his hand on the doorknob and says, “Thanks,” before following Five into the hallway.

\---

Sam looks Five in the eye as soon as they’re out in the hall.

“You’ve earned the trust Janine gave you just now. More than earned it.”

They need to know that he means it. They need to know that he cares. He _needs_ them to know that he cares and wants to help them, because otherwise they’re not going to believe him, not even a little.

They probably still don’t but he needs to make sure that they believe him. He needs to make sure that Five has at least some idea that it wasn’t their fault, wasn’t their choice, that he _knows_ they would never, ever have done what they did on their own. The bright, eyewatering green of their mohawk is enough to confirm that.

“You’re getting a Christmas party worth remembering this year too,” he says. “Swear to my bones.” He nods, more sure of himself than he’s been in ages and runs off. Five’s getting a party worth remembering whether anyone likes it or not.

\---

You stand in the hallway outside Janine’s office for a little while longer, unsure and unprepared on how to process what your best friend just said.

The door starts to open and you look up, heart beating rabbit-fast as you start looking around for any sign of an exit.

Janine leaves her office right when you're on the verge of leaving. She sighs when she looks at you. You try not to flinch.

“Mister Yao wasn’t wrong when he said you’d earned the trust that I’m currently placing in you. I wouldn’t have allowed you out onto the field again if I thought you were anything less than trustworthy, I assure you.”

Her words are reassuring enough that you manage to relax for half a second. It’s nearly Christmas though so you try not to object to it. Try not to say that she’s being biased like she was during the traitor debacle. There are many, many words your fingers would like you to say. But because it’s Christmas and because Sam has more than enough to deal with right now they don’t. You won’t let them.

Instead you nod and wait to be told what to do.

Janine looks distinctly uncomfortable and for once, unsure of herself.

Janine walks down the hall and towards her front door but she stops halfway. She then turns on her heel and walks back towards you.

“Come into my office, Runner Five, there’s something I’ve been meaning to speak to you about.”

You follow her into her office and stand there for a moment determining which chair you should sit in. Which chair Janine would _want_ you to sit in. You decide to play it safe and take the chair you just vacated.

Janine gives you a sympathetic look and then pushes a few pieces of paper and a pencil in your direction. Your heart starts beating in your throat. You try not to panic.

\---

“It has come to my attention that you are feeling _unwell_ at this time. Given how close you are to Mister Yao I thought honesty might be easier if he were engaged in other activities.”

‘Weren’t you going to go do something?’ Runner Five signs. 

Fear doesn’t suit Runner Five’s appearance. That was Janine’s first thought upon seeing them. Someone as tall and hefty as Runner Five could do quite a lot of damage if they wanted to, a fact well proven by Moonchild’s attack on Abel. It’s her first thought now as well but for entirely different reasons. Now it’s because she knows them. Because she knows how much they’d sacrifice for Abel. How much they _have_ sacrificed for Abel. Best ease them into the conversation.

“I was only going for a walk,” she says. “To clear my head. There are many things that need to be done but not much time to do them in. I was hoping that the cold would motivate me to think of solutions if nothing else.”

Runner Five nods and they both stare at each other for several long moments. They move in their chair. It squeaks in response. They continue staring at each other. Runner Five starts eyeing the door. Janine sighs.

Janine De Luca will be the first to admit that she is far less than ideal at conversations that involve discussing emotions and feelings and asking for help. Sam Yao will be the first to refute that in addition to saying that there’s no possible way to be _ideal_ at having a conversation like this one. He’d also add that it doesn’t matter. Not if she’s trying. Not if she makes it clear that she’s trying. And anyway when a friend needs your help, when a person needs your help, what matters is that you the best you can for them.

Janine De Luca clears her throat and does the best she can for Runner Five.

“It’s come to my attention that you are feeling unwell at this current time and I was wondering if there was anything we could to provide assistance? I need to make it clear that I am not asking solely because of your position as Head of Runners requires me to. Or because your friendship with Mister Yao would have me do so regardless of your position in Abel. I am asking because you are in a great deal of distress and I am becoming concerned.”

‘I’m sorry,’ Five signs.

Their very being seems to shrink. They begin slouching and cross their arms. They make themselves as small as possible. They stop allowing themselves to take up space even if it’s a necessity and it occurs to Janine just then that if it’s happening in the physical sense there’s a very strong likelihood it’s happening in the emotional one as well.

Before the Incident, before the attack on Abel, Janine would have told them that they have nothing to apologize for. She’s tempted to say it now but there’s no erasing the hundreds of deaths that they unwillingly caused. There’s no way to bring back any of the people on those ComanSys ships however much they might like to. Instead she lets her eyes take another sweeping glance at Runner Five’s body language. At the way they’re trying to shrink into the chair even though their size makes that an impossibility in every measure. Her eyes look next at the bright, garish lime green of their mohawk. At the scars on their face. The World Before might not have allotted room for someone like them. It may not allowed them space to be their own person. To be anything other than a curiosity, a laughing stock, something to point at and say “Well the odds certainly aren’t in _their_ favour are they?” Janine De Luca has decided her angle of approach.

“There _is_ room,” Janine says.

Runner Five looks up at her, a flicker of hope on their face, and unconsiously or not they begin allowing themselves to take up more space. Just a hair or two. Almost nothing really. But it’s enough to show Janine that she’s headed in the right direction.

“We’ve all made mistakes,” Janine continues. “We’ve all done things that we regret and wish we hadn’t done. We’ve all hurt people that never should have been hurt. If we are fortunate, if the world is functioning as it should we’ll have people around us who accept that. People who accept that we’re imperfect human beings that make mistakes and do or say things that we don’t mean. You _are_ fortunate in that aspect Runner Five. In that one if nothing else. There _is_ room for you to be yourself, to make mistakes, to say or do things that you don’t mean. I _implore_ you to accept that. To allow us to assist you, to help you, in the good times and the bad. The ethereal and the terrible.”

_I only want to keep you safe. Please try to understand_.

Janine takes a look at the paper, reads what’s on it and continues.

“And I appreciate that effort, I truly do, but I ask you to remember Runner Five, that we’re all adults. Most of us are at least. We can make our choices, our own mistakes. As well-meaning as you are you shouldn’t be the one to make this choice for us. You’re in a time of need whether you choose to accept it or not. And when one is in a time of need, the smartest thing to do is to take the help that is offered to them. I ask you not to treat us like children, to patronize to us and act like we’re too foolish to make the choices that would benefit us most. We’ve allowed you space to be yourself, to make mistakes, to try your best and be less than perfect at it. All we ask is that you do the same for us. Is that understood?”

_I understand but I don’t like it much_.

Janine’s lips quirk up into a small smile and she laughs, “Welcome to adulthood Runner Five.”

They laugh too. The sound is faint and almost too quiet for human ears. The keyword however is _almost_. Janine’s keen ears haven’t failed to pick up on the sound. Though it is gratifying to see and here Runner Five have a moment of peace even she knows better than to bring it up. Lest it break the fragile peace Runner Five has found for themselves.

Janine waits until Five’s laughter is mostly out of their system and then she continues once more.

“There is room for imperfection even in the world we have now Runner Five. I’d like to request that you remember that.”

_I’ll try._

They look at her again as though they’re afraid that won’t be good enough, even after their conversation. Janine takes up a pen and requests usage of the sheet of paper they’re using before writing in the top left corner, _there_ is _room_.

She pushes it back towards them. They sign ‘ _thank you’_ and begin writing again.

_I’ll get going so you can go on that walk of yours now._

“You’re more than welcome to join me if you’d like,” Janine says. “I’d appreciate having company.”

_I thought you said you needed to clear your head._

“‘Two heads are better than one’ is a saying for a reason Runner Five. Now I’ll say it again. You’re more than welcome to join me on a walk. I’d appreciate having company if you have the time.”

_I’d really like that_.

Janine nods and picks up her things. Runner Five opens the door for her and closes it behind them.

“Runner Five, I hope you don’t mind but I’d like to inform Mister Yao of the discussion we had today. To put his mind at ease if nothing else.”

They nod and sign, ‘I don’t want him to worry.’

And with that, they go for a walk.


	2. There Is Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winter Holiday to you, Winter Holiday to You, Winter Holiday Runner Five, Winter Holiday to You.

In the two weeks following your conversation with Janine, Sam is practically vibrating with excitement over Christmas. Which gets the Township buzzing as everyone discusses what Sam might be planning. They even start bringing you into discussions about it. Especially when they see how happy it's making Sam. There's no resisting his infectious brand of joy after all.

There are still people that avoid you even with the rumor mill set to 'full speed ahead' though. You won't complain. It makes sense after what you've done. But there are people that don't too, enough of them anyway. They start increasing in numbers as they see that Sam isn't afraid of you, that he trusts you, that he's comfortable around you. The same thing can be said for Jody but to a lesser degree since you didn't, you know, hit her several times with the blunt side of an axe.

You try not to react too poorly to everyone's renewing trust in you. You might scare them, which would be bad. And you might scare Sam or Jody which is worse.

\---

Jody runs up to you on Christmas Night, almost out of breath but not quite.

“There are you are, Five. Sam’s done setting up the party. Come on and follow me for a minute, would you? This you’ve gotta see.”

Jody leads you to the rec room which is decorated with glowing, functional Christmas lights on the outside and a small Christmas tree on the inside. The tree is flanked by a menorah and kinara. There’s a paper dragon that is clearly Sam’s handiwork stuck to the wall above the tree in place of a star. It’s all been handled by a lot of work and care and plenty of Sam’s silly drawings here and there.

When you turn away from the decorations, you're greeted by people singing a song that's decidedly  _ not _ Happy Birthday  _ to _ the tune of Happy Birthday.

“Winter Holiday to you, Winter Holiday to you, Winter Holiday Ruunneer Five, Winter Holiday to you.”

Sam’s face starts turning holly-berry red and his expression morphs from one of joy into one that clearly means “I forgot something Very Important”. He tries covering it up by smiling sheepishly in your direction.

People start giggling and gossiping at his expense as soon as he does it. That all fades into the background once you see Sam accept the embarrassment and join in though. Looking at peace suits him, especially at Christmas time.

\---

A few minutes after the music and dancing start up, Jody hands you a pair of warm, knitted socks and a hat.

“To keep you warm even when you’re being cold to yourself,” she says.

‘Thank you,’ you sign. Jody reaches out to hug you, so you hug her. When the two of you let go Sam is standing maybe half a meter away, shopping bag in hand. 

When you open it you find a Curly Wurly and a sports bra that has writing on it. Encouraging ones from all your closest friends at Abel and the surrounding communities. It seems like Sam's recruited everyone from Jody to Veronica for the project, up to and including Radio Cabel.

The band has the most important words though.  _ There is room _ in Sam's handwriting and  _ You didn't mean to mean it _ in Nadia's.

There's a notecard included that says:

_ Hey Five, Janine told me about the conversation you two had. Not anything detailed but enough to let me know that you're beating yourself up with guilt. That you think there isn't room for someone like you in Abel anymore. That you think there's no room in the world for someone like you anymore. There  _ is _ room. There  _ is  _ room for you. With me, with Jody, with anyone that's written on the sports bra. Swear to my bones. _

Things were bad before and they’re not necessarily okay now but they’re okay enough. You’re surrounded by people that care about you. That want you to feel happy, and safe and loved even though you don’t. That’s enough. That’s more than enough.

There’s room in your heart for them after all, just like they have room in their hearts for you.


End file.
